Josh Hahn's Manitou Experience By The Numbers
Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
Presented by Josh Hahn during Staff Orientation, this is Manitou Experience By The Numbers…
69, campers for Manitou Experience 2011
22, of the original 27 campers are now in their third summer at Manitou Experience
53, is the number of staff members for ManEx 2011
27, staff members returned from 2010
18, staff members now in their third summer at Manitou Experience
6, of 8, former Manitou Experience Deans returning
14, is the number of former Manitou College League deans in attendance
12, is the number of former Manitou Color War chiefs in attendance, including the two from this year.
527, is the combined # of points that the 2010 and 2011 Maroon teams defeated the gray teams by.
2, possibly 3, is the number of staff members simply incapable of speaking at a normal adult volume (make me proud Brian Klein)
2, definitely 3, is the number of staff members who need to be reminded that they are simply Jews from Boca Raton, Florida
1, is the number of former Manitou Experience deans of the University of Miami, who will hopefully not be implicated in a booster scandal any time soon
22, is the number of business articles about Todd Arky…make that 23…Google Alerts.
18, is the number of times Abby Dunn will yell at Nate Furness to stop jumping on the jungle float
3, is the number of minutes in which Abby Dunn will have yelled at Nate Furness those 18 times to stop jumping on the jungle float
10, is the number of teeth left in Max Schreiber’s mouth
7, is the over/under on how many will be left in his mouth by the end of this week
14, is the number of times Serge will ask Crystal to be his girlfriend which incidentally is equal to the number of time Pete Hansen will introduce Serge to the surface of the lake
0, is the number of party buses to be taken into town this summer by the Manitou Experience staff.
84, is the number of pickled, red hot and carbonated food products that Brad Summerville will be forced to consume at some point this week
As long as it takes, is how long we will wait to make sure Big Bird is back at camp to also ingest those same vial substances
5, is the number of times I will see Nurse Lynne for some sort of ailment this week. Oddly, each time she’ll remedy the situation the same way by using the holistic tactic of mainlining starbucks via packets into my body.
1, is the number of complete and utter morons on staff. Bob Marcus.
1,224, is the number of chocolate chip cookies Aunt Amy will bake this week. I’m pretty sure I hit that number on the head.
22, is the average # of exclamation points in a Wiley Cerilli facebook post.
4, is the number of hours Will Gilmore stewed for after I told him we were unable to secure a donation from his alma mater, Wesleyan, and instead he would be the dean of a less prestigious institution, Harvard. But alas, Wesleyan comes through. Good enough for Will Gilmore, good enough for Bill Belichick, good enough for me.
44, is the number of emails Jenny and I exchanged until we were both theoretically on the same page regarding this week’s program, though jury is still out on that one.
2, is the number of staff members engaged to be married. (as of beginning of the week! 4 by the end!)
25, is the number of us idiotic staff members who think Pete Hansen is teaching us some century old game once played by New Zealand warlords instead of what it actually is which is a random collection of burned down bunks, old wooden waterskis and oil cans, arranged in a manner in which either money or beer or ideally both, can be extorted from unsuspecting Jews.
20, is the number of minutes I spend trying to come up with something to say about Corey Rosen. Unable to, I had his flight canceled last night so he wouldn’t be here.
4, is the number of gallons of lemon curd to be served with our French Toast breakfast on Tuesday, because as we all know you simply cannot serve French toast at summer camp without some type of curd.
354, is the number of days I spent wondering that if I were to see Matt Regan again would he give me a hug or break me in half?
3, is the number of times that Sacha will very sweetly and politely tell me that logistically, I could have organized something a little better.
9, is the number of times we will hear Kevin Schoonover say in the same sentence “Yo, pretty sick bro” then when he realizes he’s on a work conference call, catch himself and say: “enhanced portable inductive artillery fuze setter.”
6, is the number of domestic construction projects completed by Evan Nabel this year. They include a garden box, a cub set, a replica of Noah’s arc, and a fallout shelter in the event Michelle Bachman campaigns in Massachusetts.
Dozens, is the number of questions I have as to why Tony D. and Derek insist on going to Berlin, New Hampshire each year for the pickup
120, is the number of lives that will be changed after what will surely be the 6 best days of the year.
And that, is Manitou Experience by the numbers.